Buy Me Fireworks…

I am a pyro at heart. I love fire, flame and torch alike. But if you really want to make me smile, don’t buy me tickets to the big sports game or concert, the newest style whatever… Buy me Fireworks!!!

Fireworks

Today was extremely long. I woke up from my nice Bed and Breakfast very close to the ocean in Durban and was back on the road to drive home again by 7am. I spent the better part of the previous day driving the previous clients to Durban International Airport. However, along the way we stopped by their taxidermist in Pongola to check on some of their trophies. Then we went on to a exotic cat rehab center. This was pretty cool because they let you in the big cages with the cats and if you were brave enough you could pet, hug, tackle or whatever you like with the cats (within reason of course lol)… and if they didn’t like it they would be like Hobbes from Calvin & Hobbes and pounce on you violently haha. I have a few pictures but here I sit and it is 12:37am and I am exhausted, but I just wanted to give everyone a tidbit of what has been going on. I feel bad because I realize I haven’t been able to post as much because of how busy I have been.

Anyways, one of the stupid “manly” guys thought he would show off in front of the crowd of people by being way to familiar with one of the cheetahs and started petting it aggressively like it was a normal pet. Well this idiot almost got his face bitten off. The Cheetah turned around and snapped at his face and pawed him. The guy who worked there and was an expert said that usually when they do that they go for and eye and some people did get cut on or around their eyes before in the past. I watched him and I watched the body language of the cat while he was doing this and I knew it was going to go South soon. Sure enough…

Anyways, it was funny to see him all shook-up afterwards haha.

Moving right along here… I thought I was going to have a leisurely morning waking up when I felt like it to the sound of the ocean waves crashing and the gentle sea breeze coming through my window ***Loud Buzzer Sound*** Wrong! Lol. I called Andre later lastnight and he said that he really could use my help with the other clients since he had to go to the airport to pick up some of his own clients. He asked me to try to be home by around noon today. I sighed in my mind and said ok. But I did go out for a nice fresh fish dinner on the coast nearby. I had Durado fish and chips (potato wedges), which was pretty good. I also had a nice tall Black Label beer as well 😉 Afterwards I walked down to the water to touch it. So now I have been in the Indian Ocean =)
It was about 9pm and the water felt like bath water. I felt like I could have jumped in right then and there and not be cold. This was WITH it being rainy outside at the time mind you!

I made it back just before noon today keeping the pedal to the metal at times hitting 150kph in the VW Amarok, manual 6 speed. I think I am starting to get a good feel for the chaos that is driving here in SA haha.
I went on to help one of our clients hunt for his Nyala. We got it within about 30 mins of hunting. He dropped it clean with one shot (we were able to get about 30 yards away for a nice easy shot) and we took all the necessary photos and then took it back to the butchery. After dinner with the new clients I stayed up with Andre to help him finish welding and installing his bull bar and winch. The good news is we FINISHED IT!! WoooHooooo!!! Finally after lots of work it is done. We even tested it out and it works great. Andre is about 50X more excited than even myself. He has been wanting something like this for a long time and I am very happy for him.

So it is now about 1am and I need to get some sleep. Fortunately I don’t have to wake up early tomorrow. I just have to be down at the lapa no later than 9am. I’m driving one of the vehicles to town after breakfast for some repairs. I should end up being in town for the better part of the day just waiting around. So hopefully I can find something fun to do. I wonder if they have a theater? I think I would almost feel normal again if I went to see a movie! lol

***UPDATE: Turns out they do NOT have a theater. Booo! I did however manage to get a much needed haircut. And I almost feel human again! Haha.

I hope all my American friends and family are enjoying our Independence Day. I sure wish I had some fireworks right now, I’m actually a lil bummed that I didn’t get a 4th of July…

So please, for me, light up something that sparkles and fizzes and bangs and pops. And even more importantly, enjoy the friends and family you have around you and know that that is something to be treasured.

Happy 4th of July!!!

Cheers!

-The Jonny

Update: Monday, July First, 2013…

What Does The Jonny Miss Most About Home In 3 Days???

These are the answers in order from most correct to correct. If you guessed any of the following, consider yourself a winner.

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1) Fireworks
2) Mexican Food
3) Women or the company of a woman (ok-ok, it’s possible this one could be #1 haha)
4) Sleep
5) The Shotgun Range and Saturdays with my Great Uncle & Friends/Family
6) Money/Income
7) IN-N-OUT (for those of you not from America, this is a famous hamburger chain that is in California, Nevada and Arizona)
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What does The Jonny miss the least about home? (no particular order)
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1) Our Political BS (Do I really need to mention a name(s)?)
2) Ridiculous Taxes
3) Polluted Air (Los Angeles)
4) Unhealthy Food
5) Living and Rotting in a Cubicle
6) Los Angeles Traffic
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Ok, so onto a more serious update. I have been given clients of my own as of a few days ago. I had to pick them up all the way down in Durban which is about a 4.5 hr drive from Vryheid. I have been their host and driver/guide for these past few days and tomorrow we are doing a tour of famous battlegrounds nearby. We are going to Rorke’s Drift, Blood River and one other place. Here is the catch. Ooooooh there is always a catch, believe you-me. I have to pick up some tour guide along the way and he has no address. He couldn’t even give coordinates. Thank God he at least has a cell phone so we can try to meet up.

*By the way, side note, just about everyone that is poor here somehow manages to have a cell phone (usually a really nice one like a galaxy 4S or a iphone 5) and be on it texting (or SMS’ing as they call it) and calling constantly YET they don’t have money for anything else and are lucky to eat a bowl of dirt for dinner… If you know why this is, please feel free to email me!

Anyways, so I have to do all of this while making it look like I know what I’m doing in front of the clients… This is where I start laughing insanely LOL, because that is pretty much impossible given the circumstances. However I will do my best and hopefully it turns out well.

We have had non-stop clients in the camp. Several groups of Americans which were all great and just recently we had a group of South Africans who were very cool people as well. I got to party with them a little one night and I would like to think I made some new friends out here. It’s too bad they are from Pretoria but they were really fun and nice people. Many thanks to Marius for the help with the Visa. Thanks Bud!

If you are dying for the buffalo story, well what’s worse then dying? Because guess what? I haven’t had time to finish writing it and uploading all the vids for it (I have to do some editing as well). So it’s going to be a HUGE post once it’s done, but it will take time.

Meanwhile, sadly the ridgeback dogs here got out one night about a week ago and one was slashed by a bushpig. I apologize if my next words sound graphic but this is what happened. They got loose and were running around out in the bush. We had a gut pile that we recently started stocking about 300 yards from where I stay here and the smell sometimes drifted up here (enough for the dogs to pick it up regularly at least). Now most normal people would ask, “Why on Earth would you put piles of guts, bones, animal heads and skins in a pile near to where you are living?” Good question!!! I don’t fully understand the proximity part myself either, but we put an infrared trail camera up by it so we could see what kinds of animals were coming in regularly to the guts so that eventually if we wanted to take (kill) one of those animals with a client, we would know to go there at a certain time of the night to do so.

The trail camera has showed us that bushpig, a BIG male leopard, and a brown hyena have been feeding there fairly regularly. So about a week ago we all went down to have dinner at the Lapa and I guess the dogs got lonely and caught a wiff of this nasty meat and dug their way under the fences to go there. Well somewhere along the way they must have bumped into a bushpig and the one female dog was slashed towards the rear but on the side of her belly. Her intestines were coming out. The dogs managed to run to the lapa and some of the other people found them. At first we thought the dog had been shot and essentially “raised all alarms” and started armed patrols/investigations. Naturally I grabbed the 12 gauge shotgun loaded with SSG shells that has been “issued” to me along with my flashlight. Not too much later we realized it was almost certainly a bushpig that got her. In the end, they had to put her down, the farmer way.

It’s a sad day when you have to shoot your own dog. Especially when it is clearly still alive in front of you, but you know that it won’t survive in the longer run and is suffering. It was a little easier for me because I wasn’t as emotionally attached to the dog as the owners but I still played with them and pet them sometimes and even I felt sad when this all happened.

Sad stories aside… I am regularly hearing that leopard grunting around our developments here on the farm around sunset and well into the dark night when I am sleeping. It’s not normal for them to attack full grown humans but it still makes me think and wonder sometimes. Especially when I ride home late at night on the dirt bike or walk around in the dark I can’t help but be aware of the fact that it is out there and there is a great chance that IT IS watching. A 12 gauge over my shoulder is a comforting friend at night in this place

Well I should be off to bed. There is much more to say but that gives you all a decent bit for now. I am planning on doing a video update in the future because that is a little faster than typing up a whole update. Maybe that will save me some time. I wrote all this as fast as I could, so sorry if it isn’t as well put together as I would like to think some of my other posts have been. But I have already sacrificed just over an hour of precious sleep to bring this to you all so I hope it is enjoyed.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Cheers and Goodnight!

-The Jonny

ZZZZZZzzzzzzz’s

Tree Snake!

While the clients were relaxing by the fire and enjoying a few drinks, we needed a couple extra chairs for everyone. So it was requested of me to go into the garage and grab a few extra chairs… ok no problem.

I pulled out a few, dusted them off and made sure they worked ok and I saw one last blue fold out chair in the corner. Reaching down I pulled it open, and quickly withdrew. I was surprised I didn’t jump, but there in the nice little basket of a home the folded seat of the chair made was a tree snake. My hands were merely inches away from where it was sleeping a few seconds ago.

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(This was exactly how things were in the picture above. I took this just after it all happened)

The snake started to panic and look around, I had a feeling it would take off at any moment. Knowing that this snake is highly poisonous and nothing short of deadly I didn’t want it to get lost in the stacks of boxes and other odds and ends. Acting quickly I slid the long silver gun case towards the chair hoping it would slither underneath it and find refuge there until I could get some help with this. There was no spade (shovel) handy or anything I could use to kill it efficiently without leaving the garage and losing sight of it. I pulled out my phone and called Andre and this was one of those moments where you fumble around with the buttons a bit trying to go as fast as you can… A few minutes later (felt like an hour) Andre showed up with a spade and I told him where it was, helped him move the gun case really quick and he was on it with the spade immediately. CHOP-CHOP-CHOP!

The young tree snake was soon in pieces.

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If I have my information right, they have told me that the baby tree snakes are just as poisonous as a Mamba and you will be dead within minutes of a bite. But the good news is their mouths are still very small so unless you present a finger or something they can sink their teeth into, they cant get a hold of you to inject their venom. So whenever I am moving rocks or digging through the firewood pile (favorite hangouts of the snakes) I try to be very careful where I put my hands and fingers. Fortunately I learned this lesson the EASY way!

We are under the impression they have a nest somewhere just behind the garage underneath the root system of one of the trees because there have been tons of baby snakes found around that area in the last few months. There have also been black mamba sightings. (Keep in mind this area is about 40 yards from where I sleep)

Coming soon, THE BIGGEST SPIDER I have seen in Africa to date!!! And of course much much more. Also, I am in the process on updating you guys on how my buff hunt went with PH Ian Blakeway. It was excellent and he has invited me along for his other buff hunts in September/October. I told him I would love to join him as long as I am still in SA.

Cheers!

-The Jonny

Buffalo!

CB

So I am off to Harrysmith (not sure of the spelling, my apologies) tomorrow with my good friend Harvey who is one of the head construction guys contracted here on the farm. I will stay with him for 2 nights and then another good man and PH, Ian Blakeway from southern Natal will pick me up early Monday morning so we can be off to get our client at Joberg and hunt buffalo for two days in the Southern end of Krugar National Park.

I am very excited to be invited to accompany these gentlemen and be able to experience a dangerous game hunt. Cape Buffalo here we come!

The trip will not be free but it will not be a fortune either to go along with them. I can only hope for the best!

Meanwhile, hunting clients will be coming into our camp here at Madaka Game Ranch in a few days. It is hard for me to leave but there will pretty much be no “good” time for me to leave this season.

Thankfully it seems to be working out.

I will phone Ian in the morning to confirm everything…

Cheers, and goodnight!

-The Jonny

Poachers!

Something To The Right!

It was not the first time we went out armed and looking for the poachers. But this time it was a little different. We got the call just after 6pm. It hadn’t been dark for long and in fact, the sun still silhouetted the mountain ridges with its final glow as I rode off into the darkness, bouncing along with the spotlights wires stretched to the max from the cars battery under the hood and over the cab not even reaching the back of the bukkie (truck) where I hunkered down from the cold, and where every bump my bones smacked into the steel framing around some part of the vehicle. But be sure not to misunderstand me, it was still very very dark. With no flashlight you could barely see your hand in front of your face. It was a starry night but that was the most help we were going to get from the light gods for tonight. The rest was up to us…

One of our workers had heard the dogs coming in. So we went out with the truck a spot light and a rifle (Andre was driving and had the rifle and of course his trusty .357 strapped to his hip).
When we got closer to the barking of the poaching dogs which took about 10 mins to drive to we jumped off on foot and started walking through the bush towards the noise in the pitch dark.
I was armed with either the flashlight or spot light when I was standing on the back of the truck.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I felt defenseless… I felt so naked out there, as far as protection goes. A simple pocket knife was no match for a man in the dark with a sharpened panga (machete) or who knows what. And that was IF I was at the ready while stumbling through rocks and ditches and bushes in the darkness.

We walked towards it all for a while then stopped to listen and Andre turned off his torchlight (which he possessed at the time)
After walking through the prickly bushes and crunching over dried grass for a what seemed like 10 minutes (was more like 4) I suddenly heard a rustle to my right side… the opposite direction that Andre was facing at the time with his light.
I have a lot of trust in Andre so I assumed he heard it too but that he just didn’t think it was any noise of importance…
Another few seconds went by which felt like 5 minutes, and there was the noise again. A soft, brief rustle. I was hesitating but finally I broke silence and whispered to Andre “I hear noise to the right.”

He spun around with the flashlight and shined the it where I had directed him to and there sitting upright were two poaching dogs being almost perfectly silent. (as they are trained to do so)
Andre fumbled with the light and the rifle all together but eventually the flashlight found its way into my hands and he worked the action on his .243 and quietly but sternly commanded me to hold the light on the dogs…

BLAAAAM!

The shot went off and the one dog collapsed to the ground not making a sound. My ears ringing the other ran off to the left and down into the ravine farther but we lost track of him in the tall grass almost immediately. We searched around a little more then heard more barking farther away in another area up on one of the hills in the opposite direction we were walking.
We marched back up the ravine to the truck and began driving back and forth again on the main road with me on the back of the truck working the spotlight back and forth over the ridges and valleys in the dark night. The frigged cold air was stinging my skin as it went down my collar and up my sleeves.

We were getting closer…

Andre and myself jumped out on foot again and stopped every once and a while, perfectly silent just to listen. I found myself breathing slowly through my mouth.
The barking was still too far away even after walking in that direction for a brisk 5 minutes. We then decided we needed to drive around the large hill to the other side so we jumped back into the truck again and sped off bouncing down the dirt road… myself barely managing to stay upright AND steady the spotlight, never-mind the bitter cold.
Then we were getting yet even closer, but by that time the barking had stopped. We slowly drove in that same direction we knew we had heard the dog(dogs). I kept scanning left and right with the spotlight, finding nothing but shades and shadows…

THEN! Two sets of eyes lit up like duel glowing orbs. I shined the spotlight on the bigger animal and it turned out to be a Gemsbok. So I panned the light to the left to the smaller set of eyes and there it was! A poaching dog! At this point I yelled to Andre piloting the truck that it was a dog on the left. I steadied the light on it for Andre but this time I was wincing. For the last few shots were already ringing in my ears. I only had one free hand to plug my one distant ear and I just turned my head away from the rifle that was about 4 feet below me and CRACK!!!

:::Yelping:::

The dog was hit.

But the shot was taken just as he started to run towards the right.
There was some thick brush and the dog was crying out as it ran behind it but quickly it came to silence. We could both tell without saying a word that it wasn’t a hit where he would die quickly.

The dog settled in behind the brush and then slowly so did we.

I jumped out of the back of the truck, faithful spotter and used the flashlight to light up the area where we last saw the dog.
As we approached, looking left to right fifty yards ahead, there it was, lying on the ground its back facing us. It got hit in the stomach just as I thought, clean through. The soft point bullets tore the poor ol’ boy up inside because I could see the area around the bullet wound swollen and bulging from the impact and penetration… There was a decent amount of blood coming out.

Andre approached 3 steps ahead of me to see if he was still alive. As we got closer, it barely moved. It was clearly not doing well at all and probably would have died in 15-20 mins… but it would have been really painful for the dog. Just as I was willing Andre to please put him out of its misery… I heard the “shack-clack-clack” of the action being worked.. My flashlight froze in place. I turned my head again, my ears rang even harder, and the dog never moved again.

We switched off all lights and listened…

Silence. Crickets chirping, but no wind, no breeze, nothing.

If there were more poaching dogs on the property, then they all hunkered down and kept quiet because there were no signs of them after that. I asked Andre if I should continue scanning with the spotlight on our drive back in and he said “Yes, go left and right with it.”
So I did.

The only eyes I saw in the blackness of the night was impala and blue wildebeast. Which made me flinch at first to warn Andre of the glowing orbs staring back at us but too soon I realized it was just game animals.

We didn’t kill them all, but that is just about impossible. However, getting two in one night is a very good thing, and very rare. Us warriors, we did quite well and a hot dinner was ready and waiting for us as we arrived at the Lapa a few chilly minutes later.

I don’t know that we will get any pats on the back for our efforts tonight, especially me, but I do believe we earned our bacon this time.

-The Jonny

Waking up in my new home…

This is from when I first arrived here on the Game Ranch. It’s high time I posted it! This will give you a little tour of the room/building I am staying in as well. Enjoy!

-The Jonny

PS stay tuned for an exciting upcoming post (hopefully it will go up tomorrow since it’s mostly written just needs some polish). We had poachers and their dogs come in tonight! (June 3rd, 2013) Bullets were flying!

Typical Friday Night in South Africa

It’s simple really. When you go to town you stock up. I found myself buying things I wouldn’t normally even buy, but you can’t get anything when you are out in the sticks, so you buy it just to have it.

Needless to say our weekend was also starting…

3 Liters of Spot On vodka for mixing, Amarula, Kahlua, a case of liter Black Label beers Mmmm, a bottle of Smirnoff Storm, and what is left of my case of Windhoek Lager. And of course some nice fruit juices.

3 Liters of Spot On vodka for mixing, Amarula, Kahlua, a case of liter Black Label beers Mmmm, a bottle of Smirnoff Storm, and what is left of my case of Windhoek Lager. And of course some nice fruit juices.

Now I know what you’re thinking… Only ONE case of Black Label beer!? Hahaha… No but all joking aside I was able to get my hands on some super cheap really good pineapples (3 for R10, which is like $1 US right now) and they are my favorite. I already have fresh oranges, bananas and apples so I’m eating healthy as well. Balance is key haha.

I also managed to get my hands on some powedered permethrin which you can mix with water to make gallons and gallons of the solution to keep bugs of all kinds away and even kill them (sorry I mean liters and liters, I have to keep thinking metric now!). This will be like liquid gold for me out here in tick territory. I must thank my Great Uncle for giving me this awesome information as always. I’ll field test this stuff this week and let you guys know what I think. I’m planning on spraying a bunch around my building and also on my clothes. This should help keep the creepy crawlies out of my bedroom as well hopefully.

Permethrin FTW! (for the win)

After all, I saw this just the other day in the garage…. Heeeere spidey-spidey-spidey!

Check out the hairs on this guy!

Check out the hairs on this guy!

I apologize to the ladies for that one haha. But if you can bear it click on the image to get the big version. This is a serious spider! To give you some reference, this guy was about the diameter of a standard soda pop can. Certainly nothing I would want to mess with either way…

To end this on a lighter note, after that big scare I just gave some of you, the South African sun is setting on me once again and this is what I get to enjoy every bit of in the evenings…

Gorgeous!

So raise your glasses or whatever you have nearby and please have one for me, because I promise you I am having one for you tonight. I am off to the brai!

Cheers!!!

-The Jonny

PS Just a side note, we don’t really have a weekend. We go 7 days a week but we still usually treat Friday and Saturday nights as if we we’re “off work”.

First Morning In Pretoria…

I’m trying to get caught up with this backlog of videos and stories…

Quick Video and some pics. Enjoy!

I stayed the night at a friend of Izak's for one night due to complications. But wow she had a pretty nice view off of her balcony.

I stayed the night at a friend of Izak’s for one night due to complications. But wow she had a pretty nice view off of her balcony.

The night version of the balcony view. You can't see too much but I'll post it anyways.

The night version of the balcony view. You can’t see too much but I’ll post it anyways.

Joberg airport. You can see the power plants in the background.

Joberg airport. You can see the power plants in the background.

Joberg Airport just before sunset.

Joberg Airport just before sunset.

Just driving around. I think this was leaving Joberg.

Just driving around. I think this was leaving Joberg.

I stayed in the back guest house of this home in Pretoria. This is the front of the house. Take a look at the landscaping. It's pretty nice.

I stayed in the back guest house of this home in Pretoria. This is the front of the house. Take a look at the landscaping. It’s pretty nice.

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-The Jonny

Quickie Update and Some Photos…

This one is just a quickie since I don’t have time to write up a full post and put up all the great photos that I am stacking up on but I have to give you guys a little something and also just let you all know that I am doing well and in good health. Although my body is adjusting to all the new pollen and dust out here so my allergies are going crazy. But they are slowly getting better as well.

I’m off to go bird hunting in about 6 hours with the clients from the UK we have right now. They are really cool people and we are all already pretty buddy-buddy after only spending about 4.5 days together. Great bunch of fellows. There is so SOOOO much to talk about but as always, I MUST get to bed because I am so behind on sleep and I get worked like a dog every single day hahaha. Much love for all my friends and family. Here are SOME pictures, please place a towel over your keyboards before you look. I’d hate to be responsible for shorting out any of your keyboards from the drooling that may occur =)

-The Jonny

PS there is is a small story behind the tractor pic that I am hoping to tell one day. Nothing too crazy but it’s more than just me standing by a blooming tractor I promise you haha.

Goodnight! Zzzzz’s

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The Trip and Arrival…

Well once again the trip took forever and yet somehow screamed by. It started with goodbyes at LAX around 2pm May 9th. I was surprised how relaxed getting rifles through LAX was. They didnt even confirm my serial numbers or examine by hand each rifle… surprising… Oh well, either way I removed the bolts to cool off any hot-heads in the TSA I may come across as well as for when they arrived in South Africa. Even if there were cartridges loaded in magazine, with the bolt removed there is just NO way a bullet can be fired from the rifle.

My five and one half hour flight to New York wasn’t too bad really. We passed a big lightning storm while on the East Coast somewhere, I just caught a glimpse of a bolt as someone lowered their window shade. It made for a few bumps but nothing spectacular. I still give my thanks to the nice steward from Delta who kept me nourished with a bounty of peanuts, pretzles and cookies haha! Oh and plenty of apple juices to wash it all down! I was in a rush to make that flight so I didn’t have time for a proper meal. In fact, I was 20 minutes late for my boarding but fortunately the plane wasn’t scheduled to leave for another 20 minutes so there was no problem. But had I given in to my bothersome stomach, I might have been late. I always look at the first leg of the trip to Africa as a good preparation for the usual 14-16 hour flight that follows. I just tell myself, “If I think this is long, well then I’m screwed for the next flight so I better get along with it!”

So we landed in JFK just fine, it was actually one of the smoothest landings I have ever had in a large aircraft and I complimented the pilot on my way out. So off I was to the baggage claim for my regular luggage (I was also forced to check in my small carry on roller bag because the flight ran out of overhead room). I got there fast and was just a few meters (I have to start thinking in metric terms now, all they use is the metric system out here!) down from where the luggage slides down and onto the conveyor belt. My baggage was unloaded amongst the first set of bags, small carry on, “Great!” I thought to myself and I snatched it off the belt and waited for the next one. Rifle case, “Awesome, there’s another…. wait wait WHAT!???!” What the hell was my rifle case doing coming off of the regular conveyor belt??? I thought I was supposed to have to pick it up at the oversized baggage office and give nothing short of a blood sample and 50 other forms of identification first? Well, I wasn’t going to leave it there, and I wasn’t going to ask for trouble so I quickly snagged that one up as well. About another minute or two passed and there was my final large roller bag. I looked over both shoulders and no one had tackled me just yet so I figured I better split before something goes aray.

After that it was a lovely 8.5 hours of torture in the more than lacking airport chairs at JFK. No matter which position I layed in my neck or back would ache or my leg or foot would take a cat-nap. So I did my best to straddle all my luggage pieces with an arm or leg or something while I tried to catch some shut-eye. I may have gotten around 2 hours of very broken and disturbed sleep on my flight from LAX and I previously stayed up all night to finish packing and loading my 458 Lott rounds. I was plum exhausted…

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Finally it was nearing my flight time so I headed up to the fourth floor, struggling with all of my luggage. Now I was expecting the New York TSA to be (excuse me if you’re a New Yorker, I know you’re not all like this) somewhat jerks and this proved to be true. The cop that checked my rifles was a little short with me at first but then after he heard I was going out to Africa and that the rifles were for hunting he perked up nicely. His eyes widened and he began to ask me which kinds of animals I will be taking with the rifles and so on. He was quite interested and the rest of my businesss with him was quite pleasant after that. It just goes to show not everyone hates hunters, even a New York cop can take a liking to you. Now if I can just work on the liberals in my home state of California haha!

So that part went well, but that was just the first step. The next was actually going through TSA. Now you all know how they require you to take off your shoes belts and essentially strip down to nothing. Well I had my massive laced up hunting boots on, my belt, and pieces of metal (pens coins etc) all over my body. I also had a laptop which has to be in its own separate bin when you put it through the machine and so on… Well of course the TSA girl got pissy with me for taking so long and I just told her “You guys are the ones who want us to take off our shoes and belts and separate our laptops and everything, so it’s going to take me a minute to do what you guys make us do.” Well thank God that shut her up but now they were mad at me. So they tried to put me in the microwave machine and I told her no I didn’t want to. So they started screaming “OPT OUT, OPT OUT, WE’VE got an OPT OUT HERE!” And they weren’t even saying it to eachother as much as they just seemed to be yelling it to everyone that was waiting in line. I was like what the heck? It’s like they try to embarass you so that you don’t ask to opt out. Very strange, but ultimately I didn’t care, let them act like fools. So after telling the guy to keep his hands off my “Hoo-Hoo” and out of my “Crack” he went on about his business. And I won’t get all into this but I will say one thing. Since when was I a suspected criminal in need of a guy running his hands over the entire surface of my body???

Alright so with all that behind me I waited for my flight. It went well. We had a great tail wind and we arrived 45 mins early for a total of just over 14 hours. The food was ok, but I did have a Scotch Double in honor of my Great Uncle. J&B is what they had, and that was just fine. For anyone that is considering flying South African Airways, well… They aren’t as good as some airlines, but then again they were a direct flight from the East Coast straight to Joberg for a good price, so I can’t complain too much.

One for you and one for me ol’ buddy:
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Sunrise flying in over South Africa (May 11th):

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Cheers!

-The Jonny